Can't live without Your Presence

You say I am nothing without love. I will have lived a pointless life if I never learn to love. If I never offer love or experience it. . .

and I know I am not love.

Your presence is the only thing that can change me. It's your hand, your anointing, your fire that will refine me like gold.

I am nothing without your presence. I can't live without it.

It's the only thing that keeps me alive. It's the only thing that could ever set me apart.

It's the only thing that satisfies my ardent, thirsty soul.

Without it, I can't go on. I'm lost without your guidance.

When I feel your presence walk into a room, I feel alive again. I feel the strength filling my bones. And when you fill me up? I'm never the same again.

I feel your imprint on my insides. My perspective transformed. Life fades away, all my worries are untied like broken shackles. I'm no longer my own master. You are. Your Holy Spirit catches my heart on fire and I'm filled with desire for you. Passionate love rises up inside of me - because when you love me, I can't help but respond.

Without your Spirit, I am filled with despair at the failure I am. When you come and meet me, though? That is when my aching despair flees. It flees like the dark of the night at the coming dawn. And I am filled with hope. Hope that I will never remain in this rut. I will never sit still in my sins for long. I will never remain who I am today, because even if I can't see it,

you change me.

Lord, there is nothing makes me more sure of myself, and my place,
than standing in the
face of your glory.

For I was made to drink of your life.

Come What May

God.
I know that I can't keep going on like this.
This in-out love I have for you.
Living on the emotional highs and lows,
which I've let become my faith.
Valley and mountain. Desert and oasis. I've got trust when it's easy, but no grit when it's tough.
My weaknesses.
My lacking.

Coming back over and over again,
only to say
again
that I've messed up.
And that I need you.

But
not
changing.

This thirst for surrender.
Ache for the Spirit.
Seeing my flaws, asking for transformation,
but still disobeying your discipline.

Every day.

I'm not who I want to be.
Not what you want me to become.
I want to change,


but am I willing to go through fire to get it?


The other night, I found myself on my bed, crying and asking God for
hardship.
Because I know my faith is weak and I know I'll never believe I need him alone if my life stays the way it is. Big or little trial, 
I was begging. 
I don't want the pain of it, but I want the gain of it. 
I know it will change me. I need something to wake me up. And I finally fell to my knees and sobbed before my Daddy.
My flesh half is terrified of what's to come.
 
But my soul whispers, "Come what may.

I want to be satisfied in Him alone."