Dark clouds

I don't know.

Today and yesterday were both hard.

And I didn't have any good reason.
I mean, there were good reasons that it could have been about, but really my mood relied on just- yeah.

Absolutely no good reason.

I'd find my eyes starting to fill with tears.

I wanted to stay down in the dumps, but I didn't, too.
I was a grump. I was selfish.
I thought about how I was selfish.
I asked God, "Why? Why am I acting like this??"
And I still just couldn't shrug it off.

My day today consisted of me battling between
a silly, happy, light mood,
and this heavy, cloudy one.


A minute ago, I just thought of the words from a song:
"I need you to carry me. I need you to carry me. I need you to carry me. When I am weak. ...I'm always weak."
(Carry Me by Jenny & Tyler)


And that's what I need.
That's how I am.

And I don't really know why I'm sharing this.
But yeah.
Now that the mood's gone, it sounds like nothing. It sounds ridiculous. Not hard.

But it was.
Nothing compared to what other people go through, I know.
But, it surrounded me.
When it was there, I couldn't imagine feeling any joy ever again.
I can't remember. It's gone now. I can't describe it.
But it was awful.

But coming out. Coming out of it, is beautiful. It's like being picked up out of the pit.