So Much

I wish I could begin to describe all the things happening right now in my heart.
There's so much. God is teaching me and growing me.
So many lessons.
So many moments of despair and hopelessness and selfishness in my heart lately.
And then God surprising me with his presence.
God reminding me of his grace.
Ups and downs.
And no matter what, he is good. And he's with me.

Even when I don't feel it or believe it.

His presence is sweet and to hear his voice is the most amazing thing.
He's given me friends who convict me and friends who love me - I don't know why.
And then again, they don't love me, I continually see, like he does.
His love is unconditional and his understanding is vast.
He sees the depths of my heart and
yet still

loves me the same.

I am blown away.

Lonely, and then he gives me his presence.
Lost, and he speaks to me.
Forgetting so much, getting lost in the world, and he reminds me.

This God, my God,
you're a mystery and that's okay. You are so beyond words. I love that. That I will spend eternity still getting to know you. I will never know all of you. And that will keep me worshiping and keep me in love. Forever I will be in awe.

Thank you so much for your work in me, for being who you are,
for being God.
For being my God.

And for choosing me. Even if I don't and will
never
ever
deserve it.
I will never deserve you.
Yet
you stooped down
and saved me.