Monday, January 23, 2012

My Knotted Heart

My pride never seems so noticeable as when someone edits something I've written.
Or criticizes, confronts, and chides any part of me.

It blares like a trumpet.
A magnifying glass hovers over my pink, puffed heart. Veins of selfishness pump through it every day. . . and that is exposed. That reality becomes noticeable.

I feel my heart get tight, like a knot. I hate hearing that criticism. My mind knows I need it, but it's so hard to welcome it. To hear of my faults so plainly...

My first instincts: defend myself, make excuses, shoot back the criticisms.

The frost coats my words thick. Ice lays on my branches. Bitterness and self pity become my weapon.

When really, I should have no weapon at all.
 
"For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned." (Romans 12:3)
I need sober judgement.
Humility.
Acceptance.
Vulnerability.
Honesty.

The one who heeds correction gains understanding, in the end.


Melt this rigid heart, I beg.

2 comments:

Maddy J. said...

Your softness of heart toward what God is teaching you, evidenced over and over by what you write about here, is an exhortation. Love you.

Kath said...

Amen.
It is hard to know ourselves well and then to ask to be changed. I'm praying your prayer, too.
Nice to meet you.