Not me.

Some people come alive when they are in front of people. Their personality sparks like flint struck it. They feel exhilarated, awakened, alive. They are at home with these people. They can pour themselves out from their depths in front of these people. They can say the right things. They can express themselves well.

I don't.

I close up. Clam up.
Put my head inside my shell.

There's something about when I go up to say my speech,
or begin to play a song on guitar to someone,
or try to tell someone something,

that's hard.
Something in me dulls and never comes out right.
Whether I prepare, whether I let words roll out spontaneous-
there I am, afterwards,

always fretting over what I should of said.

It's when I'm alone, that I come alive.
It's when I write, it's when I paint carefree.
It's when I see you and smile but don't say a thing at all.

It's then that I'm not noticing,
just
being.

Just living.
It's when my insides come out smoother than a water-worn rock.
When the trying is over.
The thoughts can roll around in my ahead, free as music.

Sometimes, it may seem like this is not the case to others. To you. And maybe it isn't all the time. (In fact, I think I'm half extravert, half introvert.) But, sometimes, I sense a front being put on, a wall sliding down, something slicking over me like oil. I'm loud and bold and silly. Yet somewhere inside, I always have a nagging tug within me that's telling me that this isn't really what I'm feeling on the inside. 

And I believe learning to understand oneself is important. Intrapersonal communication.

But there's only so much understanding of myself I can have.

So, this is the way I'm wired.

The more pressing matter is--
what will I do with it?

I find that it's important to use your wiring as a tool. Acknowledging your wiring is the first step, but what matters is: 

how do you love with the way(s) God made you?