His Way

I've got a brain and personality wired to hope.

That may sound like a good thing.

But most of the time? It's not. I tend to count on things, you see. And not just occasionally or lightly, but with an inner ferocity. I imagine up all these dreams and scenes and moments of perfection. And pretty soon I'm believing that life will actually turn out like it does in my mind, like it plays through my eyelids when I'm thinking on my bed. I'm an idealist. Maybe not a typical one, but I've got a fierce grasp on seeing things turn out like I want.

Wired to hope is the wrong wording. I should call it something else. I don't know what it is, quite, but the fruit of it is that I'm not flexible, I'm disappointed, and I end in a deflated mass crumpled upon the floor.

It's only when disappointment kicks in that I remember what truly matters.

That's what's beautiful.

God knows this flaw of mine. He knows it, and He often lets it play out. It can frustrate my narrow heart. It's when I've finally hit that low point again - of weakness and feeling embittered by the fact that I can't control a thing - that's when He nudges in with that sweet whisper.

He says,
"Hey Anna,"
and I try to interrupt Him, but He's so gently insistent. His strong, loving wisdom pours in to break down my wall of flesh and crooked ideals. 

"Anna.

I know what I'm doing.

I watch you try to plan out that life of yours. I watch you get hurt by your ways. I see you, crying and hiding in the bathroom. You never end up happy or satisfied when you try to grab the reins.

I know better. I know best.

Remember this.

Lean on me. Keep on leaning into me. You'll always fall when you shrug off my guidance and trust in your own strength rather than mine.

It's my way that satisfies.

And Anna? I know you forget. I know you're only man. I know this more than you do. And I see every time you fall, and it breaks my heart. I want to give you a way that will give you the most joy. I can't promise that you won't get by without gaining scars, but in the end,

you will have no regrets.

So leave all you have, stop fishing in empty waters. Get up, immediately, and follow me.
Beloved, follow me.

For my way will not let you down."