Despite my flesh

I've just started reading the book Radical. And I'm hardly past the first chapter, but already I'm nervous. Because the words are cutting me deep.

I can tell a strong conviction is coming my way.

You know that feeling you get before God does some work in you? It's going to be big, you can just tell. And you're scared. . . because it will change you. And it will require your complete obedience.

Well, that's what petrifies me. To the core.

This fear does comfort me, in a way, because I know I'm not asleep in my sin. That the Holy Spirit is indeed living inside of me. But it also means that I'm terrified of letting go of my old ways.

My flesh starts shaking, my fear rises up fiercely, and that knowledge that God is asking me to step forward is almost too much.

But not quite.

Because,
always,
there is that quiet, insistent whisper that tells me that things will turn out, in the end. Though the journey forward will be steep, my joy will be multiplied and my faith rekindled.

What's even better is the truth that I know the owner of that whisper. And I how I believe that he has better plans than I can imagine. Different than I think, unexpected compared to my dreams, and startlingly challenging,
but better they remain. 

Okay, God. Turn my world upside down.

Wash away all that isn't yours in the might of the storm.