Wherever I Go

Hello 2am.

You aren't always the kindest to me.

Then again, I am rather foolish to stay up this late. I always regret it. Especially when morning comes, and with it, the bone tiredness. The exhaustion that aches even in my eyes. It coils around my brain like a snake, suffocating.

I feel certain I've said this before: what is it about the night? It turns the world upside down, thrusts it into a new and foreign perspective. My true fears, feelings, and faces bubble up to the surface. Masks are gone, and so are distractions. I'm here, alone and in my bed.

The sky is darkened, sometimes the moon is out, and it's always here in my room that I am bared before the Lord. Not to say this is a magical place-- nothing like that. It's just that I am safe here. I let go of the other things, drop my burdens upon the cold, concrete floor.

And God takes them from me.

That is something I will never stop wondering over.

Why do I worry? Look at the birds, the lilies. I am of such little faith, for the proof sits before my eyes and still I do not trust God wholly. There is much work to be done in me.

Do you know something? I don't want to just find God in the quiet of my room or in the fullness of a worship concert. I want to have this baring everywhere. No matter the time, no matter the place. However I feel, wherever I go, and whoever I am with. I want intimacy and conversation with Jesus that doesn't depend on circumstance. That doesn't depend on me.

Because how I know that that isn't true communion with the Lord.

A true encounter with God is so bound up in his grace and presence that the world holds no sway. Self holds no sway. Meeting with God is still deeply, unavoidably personal, it is. . .

But God is not dependent on man, and his power and will aren't controlled by circumstance or by me, the grain of sand in the ocean of desert.

That is a blessing. I want to learn to talk to God in a real way in other places, however I'm feeling. In a way that is constant. Not perfect, but constant. Dependent on nothing else but his real presence and infinite grace.