staying above water

Sorry about being missing in action lately. (Not that I'm a consistent blogger anyways. I prefer writing sporadically and spontaneously.) So much has been happening. The last few weeks of high school were definitely a whirlwind, of events and emotions. Summer came like a tornado, sweeping me off my feet. My days have been full of work (I'm currently working a job where I get up at five a.m. and work all day long). I come home with my feet aching and body exhausted. There's a lot to be done but I don't seem to have time for any of it. I have a job interview set up for later this summer, trips to be planned, scholarships to apply for, letters to write, and people to see.

All this to say, it is a fight for me to stay above water. It's really easy for me to get caught up in each day, my frantic mind, my life. I tend to fall into worry and self-absorption. It's times like these that I really have to battle to intentionally seek God. I forget so often. I think I can make it on my own. But that's not true. (It usually takes something hard for me to remember that.) Almost always, I choose sleep or my own comfort over God. It's sad. I don't want to be like this.

Scrambling to read a Psalm real quick before I go to sleep. Praying only when I need help with something. Wanting sleep more than anything.

I don't want this to be my life.

I want a focus, I want faith. With a clarity spreading over my heart, my desires so much deeper than daily trivialities. Give me tunnel vision, that I'll have only one goal in mind. I won't look at life anymore, the darkness of the tunnel. I'll see only the light burning in the distance. The end. I want to see past this vapor life and look forward to eternal glories.