Today's prompt is
Whole.
So here goes.
* * *
To be whole.
I immediately think of allowing myself to be wholly healed by God. To pry my fingers apart and open my heart wide to allow him to cleanse me.
I have, many times, felt myself close myself from being whole.
I close up when God asks me to open up. In the smallest things, like allowing my arms to stay down while singing at church even when I feel the hungry desire to lift them high. I could allow God to help me get past my fear in that, but I just jam my hands further into my pockets and keep them there. And that reflects how, in my heart's desire to wholly surrender, let God get in so deep, so saturated in every section of my life, heart, passion...
-I stop. Shut those doors. In my fear, in my flesh, in my weakness. I can tell so often that if I just gave it up to allow God in,
I would be whole. He would hold my hand through my fears and conquer them.
It would be better than myself here: closed off, not healed in every area of my life, not allowing conviction. To let God consume me. I know that, and yet I stay. I know God can make me whole.
And yet I choose to remain broken.
I know it's true.
I know it's true.
* * *
Give it a try if you wish. It really is freeing and even surprising what comes out of writing like this. It bares what is on your heart.
2 comments:
Hi Anna. Thanks for visiting my blog. I read your post and I hear you. How many of us choose to remain broken? ((sigh)). Too many. I know well what it is to choose the broken road rather than face His conviction.
Your "about me" says "I'm a failure" I just feel so pressed to tell you that you're NOT. I don't know you but I know you can't be a failure. God doesn't make failures. He creates us as works-in-progress. We are His masterpieces that He is not finished with yet.
It's very nice to meet, Anna. I'm glad you joined this little 5 Minute Friday group. I really like it..and I usually don't get to mine until Saturday either! :)
I love the visual picture you painted of cramming your hands in your pockets rather than holding them high. I have done this too.
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