This stumbling through life, first. Finding out how unsatisfied I am.
Calling out, then. Desperate.
Discovering God's mercies. Finding truth. Receiving his love. Collapsing into his arms.
Next I'm asking him to not forget this change he's given me.
Then I'm back to trying on my own. Living on my own, forgetting.
And there is always this discovery, realizing, learning
again
that this world's not enough. I am weak. I'm not able. That I mess up. This world's a crooked place. I can't stand the way it is.
Rediscovering
that when I try and make it work,
I won't ever run.
And when I'm always trying to fix myself. . .
it's only God that can save this Desperate one.
Always a sinful forgetting followed by a simple discovering.
I don't think I'll ever stop learning this need of him, this love of his, this astounding grace held out. . .
for as long as I live.
This is one lesson I'll never have down. It's something to be discovered time and time again, until the day he makes me holy.
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