Indescribable

Here I sit,
after coming home from a movie.

And I'm wordless.

I get like this sometimes. My tongue glued in.

Because sometimes I'm hit with the indescribable, and my mind is blown, and I start thinking about life, or just stop thinking completely-
in order to become still and realize

that I'm alive.

My breath comes in, a sharp intake as that thought comes to me. It's slow to taste on my tongue, and my insides are fuller than I ever knew they could be.

I feel like the sky, filled with heavy, bursting, full
clouds.

Pregnant with substance, running with thought, touching a little closer to God
in a strange and novel way.

Most people don't get me when I feel like this. Well, they just don't know. Through no fault of theirs, because this kind of thing strips away any ability I might have to explain myself or to just plain speak at all.

So, on this night, I feel different. My head is weighted and stuffed so full that I think
some of it might start coming out my ears.

I hope, if I get married someday, my husband can understand when I get like this.

Because sometimes, it just happens. This ripping away of the veil. And it can seem like it's for no reason at all, because the things that trigger it within me are silly and it comes uncontrollably, at moments rare and unexpected. But it must be God, it must be. Who else could it be?

Because who else can make me see? 

I'm looking, again, at the stars in the deep, night sky.

And, as Charlie might say, "I feel infinite."