here to ask.

Hello. Here I am. On spring break, finally. Free at last, you know. And I find that I am in dire need of rest and refreshment. For my body, most definitely,

and for my soul
even more so.

I'm not sure exactly why I am here writing. Maybe it would be a good idea to ask God for some things.

Because it doesn't hurt to ask. And I say that I believe God wants to hear from me, from us... but my prayers haven't really shown that. My faith isn't very persistent. When have I ever prayed like a person knocking on the door of a neighbor in the middle of the night? Knocking and not stopping. The neighbor might answer only out of pure annoyance. So how much more likely is God to answer? He is the gracious one. Giver and healer. If I believe that, I think I should ask more.

Okay. Here it goes. (Call this experimentation, maybe.)

Hello God. First off, I want to ask that you'd help me be bold... even in my asking. In these things, little or big. Grow my faith. Expand it to new heights and depths. I want this, and many things, not just for this spring break... but for beyond this time too. I want lasting faith.

I'm also aching inside. Oh God, you see this. For me, and for other people too. Please heal the pain. Do something about this. Don't leave us alone. So many lonely people. So many consuming desires. Fulfill these desires, God, or if they are distorted... redeem them. And fill the loneliness. Wash away the pain. At least be present in the pain, God. Be near. And grant us the grace to believe you are near and to hear you when you whisper in our ears.

Oh how I want to hear your voice. Teach me to listen. In the quiet, in the noise. I want to hear what you think about me, what you think about the world, and what you want to say to others. I am so far from that... will you change that? I want to live in a ceaseless conversation with you throughout my days. Listening, stopping, laughing, speaking. Right now, I feel so out of my element when in prayer. I have no idea what I'm doing. I do like that it keeps be humble and dependent... but I also am asking you to teach me of your ways. I want to know you.

And... on a lighter note. Would you mind giving me a few adventures this break? You know how much I would love that.

I love you, Jesus. Thanks for listening.