Can't live without Your Presence

You say I am nothing without love. I will have lived a pointless life if I never learn to love. If I never offer love or experience it. . .

and I know I am not love.

Your presence is the only thing that can change me. It's your hand, your anointing, your fire that will refine me like gold.

I am nothing without your presence. I can't live without it.

It's the only thing that keeps me alive. It's the only thing that could ever set me apart.

It's the only thing that satisfies my ardent, thirsty soul.

Without it, I can't go on. I'm lost without your guidance.

When I feel your presence walk into a room, I feel alive again. I feel the strength filling my bones. And when you fill me up? I'm never the same again.

I feel your imprint on my insides. My perspective transformed. Life fades away, all my worries are untied like broken shackles. I'm no longer my own master. You are. Your Holy Spirit catches my heart on fire and I'm filled with desire for you. Passionate love rises up inside of me - because when you love me, I can't help but respond.

Without your Spirit, I am filled with despair at the failure I am. When you come and meet me, though? That is when my aching despair flees. It flees like the dark of the night at the coming dawn. And I am filled with hope. Hope that I will never remain in this rut. I will never sit still in my sins for long. I will never remain who I am today, because even if I can't see it,

you change me.

Lord, there is nothing makes me more sure of myself, and my place,
than standing in the
face of your glory.

For I was made to drink of your life.

Just in case.

To a beautiful young woman,
my unnamed friend:

I wish things were the way they once were between us.

I miss how your eyes lit up when you talked to me. I miss your enveloping, strong hugs that were filled with love. I miss how you called me over. How you shouted goodbye as I walked away. I miss our conversations.

I miss when you let me in.

You allowed me in to see your pain, to hear your true feelings. You don't know how I honored I felt by that. You let me in. And that meant so much to me.

I miss you.

And this gap between us? Some days, when I think about it, it makes me ache. I ache inside.

I cried today. I cried for us.

Because I love you more than words can express. I've got a part of me snatched out because you're not here. And it's bleeding there. It won't stop bleeding.

But I can't win you back and I can't make things right, especially because I don't know what went wrong.

But I will always love you.

And I'll always be waiting for you.

Just in case.

Do You Know the Way You Move Him?

This song.

Sometimes I come to it when I'm feeling empty. Or lost or alone.

And I was sitting on my bed last night, feeling so
weighed down.

Despairing.

Then I sat and listened.

Giving my heart to the rise and fall of the music and those beautiful words.

And I sobbed and cried until snot ran down,
this broken mess,
getting a glimpse of the 

weight

He

feels for me.



And I'm set free by his love that sees me through and through.
Set free from every darkness within and around me.

Even if I can't feel that love. Even if I've forgotten its existence. Even if I've lost sight of it and stopped feeding myself with it. Even if I'm lost in self absorption.

It's real and thick in the blessings - and trials - around me.

This weight of love, this God who is so in love with me. . . He's all I need.

The mighty hurricane He feels for you

He is jealous for you.

It's because of his fierce love. You belong with him, and when someone comes up and
grabs your hand, takes your attention, steals your gaze,
that jealousy rises up in his heart.

You're made to walk alongside him.

For all your days.
To gaze on his beauty.
Drink in his presence.
Notice his blessings.
Converse with him.
Sit at his feet.
Dance with him, kiss him, love him.
Breathe in his words.

To give all of yourself to him.

Every crevice. Every musty corner.
He'll make it all new if you let him.

But when that idol comes your way. When you whore after those sins. When you're tempted and you obey your hungry desires and flesh. When you give in. Give up. Turn away. Look at the world with ogling eyes. Forsake him. Follow yourself. Lose your eyes for eternity and slide back into your old ways.

That's when he wants you as much as ever.
Wants you fiercely.

Love's like a hurricane, you're a tree.

It breaks in. That love is blatant.
How could a tree ignore the storm swirling round, shaking its every branch?

He's there. He's calling.

He knows your mistakes. He gives more grace.

Just come back, my love. I can't stand to see you with those others.
Turn around. Remember me. Repent and my mercy will overflow.

I miss you.
I love you.



 
From,

the Lover of your Soul

I Don't Want To Hold Empty

I'm feeling crummy and grumpy. I haven't gotten the best sleep lately and I've wasted my time. Purposelessness, these past days, in my soul.

Wandering around, in this life.
This happens to me, during school breaks.
I get bad habits, and feel the distance, the lack of work, and become a lazy, fogged mess. And I always feel disgusting inside. I stop clinging to God, I think. It's like I don't need to because there's nothing to do anyways. That's what I tell myself at least.

This emptiness.

So this is what life tastes like without Him. 

I need a dose of it sometimes.

A small, jarring splash of cold water on my face to remind me:
life is worthless without my King.

This seeking of myself ends in no joy.
I'm not made for this.
I'm a stranger in this world,

made for love alone.



The point of life is love.

But Misty Edwards speaks much better than I write about this all.
So I'm pointing you in that direction, now.

-If you are willing, would you watch this?

Play that. If you have the time. I know it's very long. But it helped me at least. Spoke deep into my heart. I don't think I'll ever forget that message.

May your days ahead be filled with purpose, friends,
minds saturated in truth always,
with the goal of love in mind,
and a heart following the lover of your soul to the end.
I pray that for you.

No Need to Say Goodbye.

Please pick out one of the following songs to listen to as you read.
(Yeah. I'm serious.)

• Dove's Eyes 
• Times
• Arms Wide Open
• Jesus You're Beautiful
• How He Loves Us

In the language of the Apaches, there is no word for goodbye.

That struck me, when I heard it.
We were sharing on the last night we were in Cibecue, on our mission trip,
and someone told us that.

Sometimes I'm just hit


with knowing that


I am loved.


Unconditionally.


Forever.


And always.


It brings tears to my eyes.


Oh Lord.


I am blown away.

Loved

"Every day, every hour, every second, every minute
you must know you are loved, you must know you are in it.
You are in his love."
       -from the song His Love (Molly's Song) by Samuel Gatlyn.

What if I remembered,
every day
every hour
every minute
that I was in his love?
My God's love. 

My life would be dramatically different.
And that's scary.

What would I dare to do?
What would never hurt me?
Small things hurt me now,
but if I remembered, and was always grounded in his love,
I could stand firm.

That love could give me such joy. Always.
Continually.
I wouldn't be like the world.

Just some questions to ponder.

Oh Lord,
let us not forget your love.
Let it surround us.
Help us to remember it,
to remember you.
Every day, hour, second, and minute.
Eternally.

the Cross in Sodom and Gomorrah

We're talking about Homosexuality in Apologetics.

And,
a couple class periods ago,

something came up unexpectedly.

"Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom—both young and old—surrounded the house. They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.” Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him and said, “No, my friends. Don’t do this wicked thing. Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them..."
-Genesis 19:4-8

We were talking about it,
and a few girls shouted about Lot just giving away his daughters like that.

I've thought before-
Did Lot even care about his daughters, to give them away like that?


But then, my teacher said something I'd never heard before.

That Lot, doing that, offering up his children, his undefiled children,

was a picture of God.

We're the sinners out there.
And God
gives up
his pure child,
for us. 

Just like that.

He offers his only son up.
His pure, spotless son. 

Why would he do that? Why give that child away to those wretches outside?

He did, though.
He did.

He says,
Take him.
Take him.

He'll suffer,
he'll suffer
so much
for you.

He'll pay for you.

He'll take up your pain, bear your suffering.
He'll be pierced.
He'll be crushed.
He'll be oppressed,
led away like a lamb to the slaughter.
Punished.

You'll reject him.

I'll redeem you through him.
It's my will to do this. 
He's pouring out his life unto death.

And by his wounds you'll be healed.

selfless love.

This is a bit late,
but look at this:

It was in Egypt.

I saw it on someone's Facebook with the caption:
I hope I can be like this and love my neighbor as myself.

I was struck in the gut.

...I hope so too.
I hope that I can be like that.

Arms Wide Open.

That song is on here.
This part starts around ten minutes.

And hey, these are the words.
The beautiful words.


“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been pondering
“What does love look like?”
“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been asking of You

I once believed that love was romance, just a chance
I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful
I once believed that love was a momentary bliss
But love is more than this
All You ever wanted was my attention
All You ever wanted was love from me
All You ever wanted was my affections, to sit here at Your feet

Then I sat down, a little frustrated and confused
If all of life comes down to love
Then love has to be more than sentiment
More than selfishness and selfish gain

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding

Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is

And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love

He said to me, “You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”

With arms wide open, a heart exposed
With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding

If anybody’s looking for love in all the wrong places
If you’ve been searching for love, come to Me, come to Me
Take up your cross, deny yourself
Forget your father’s house and run, run with Me
You were made for abandonment, wholeheartedness
You were made for someone greater, someone bigger, so follow Me
And You’ll come alive when you learn to die